My Child Is Shy
I was a pretty shy kid. I was one of 4, my parents worked full time, they were constantly struggling with money, and to make matters worse, I was being abused by our babysitter, who happened to also be family member.
I felt unheard and alone. But then, fate stepped in and I met the women of my dreams and all I wanted was to be able to spend every minute I could with her.
When she said jump, I’d answer. “How high?”
We built quite a life together. Our own business, five kids, and enough stuff to fill a 3,000 foot house with.
In a way, it was great because my wife’s desire for a pool, Pottery Barn decor, and the newest cars, make me feel rich. I’d wake up thinking, “I made it.”
But then, in my mid-thirties, I hit a wall. I had a bad case of adrenal burnout, or what men older than me would call a mid-life crisis and what doctor’s diagnosed as normal anxiety and depression, that put me on my knees.
At the time, it was awful!
Anxiety & Depression
I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t workout. Every time I’d try to train, Id’ be sore for days. It was debilitating. I felt like such a failure as a husband, as a dad, and as a man. I hated feeling weak. I hated not having answers. This was not me and it was not what I had worked so hard for. However…
It was the best thing that could have ever happened for me!
My adrenal fatigue taught me that health was more than workouts, cardio, and diet. I learned a lot about stress, programming, and trauma. Thanks to my wife and the support of my family, I was able to heal my body (without meds) and gain a better understanding of what I had been doing wrong & how trapped emotions were causing my dis-ease.
But my lessons were just beginning.
My wife was on a self growth journey of her own. After self sacrificing her body and time through 5 pregnancies and a decade of changing diapers and potty training, she was craving something that quite honestly blindsided me… she wanted adventure!
Wtf! We were condo in Hawaii people. I had never camped. I didn’t like not sitting in a car for long drives, anything new, or the possibility of not getting to shower,. I did not want to have to trust the world or my own self. I would’ve much rather been able to just stay in my cave.
Best Husband Ever
But I loved her and she was so happy in nature, outdoors, camping, surfing, rock climbing, and on road trips.
I was just happy that I could now go to work without panic attacks and that I could lift weights again. I was finally feeling so good physically that I got to start doing jiu jitsu. High school wrestling had been the only time I really felt connected to who I was and it was awesome to get to tap into that (while trying to not tap out- pun intended ).
I thought I was being super-husband when, after paying for our dream house and an RV and for her to spend half the week camping at the beach with the kids, I said, “Hey, we can get rid of our house in the suburbs and just rent a house on the beach.”
I mean, for a guy raised in the ghetto to give up owning a house- the one thing you are told as a kid would be your measure of success- so that my wife can do this thing called “adventure” was pretty amazing on my part. Can’t I get some props for this?
It was pretty awesome living of the beach and I quickly didn’t care that I wasn’t a “homeowner” anymore.
I love the beach. And even though my entire childhood centered around being safe and told that the ocean is dangerous, I paddled out and learned how to surf.
I even started rock climbing, even though I was terrified of heights!
Another Punch to the Gonads
But then, the landlady turned my world upside down and decided to sell the house we were renting.
My wife, Mrs. I’ve-got-a-genius-idea, suggests we could save a lot of money by living in our RV for a few months and, by the way, we could go on a couple longer road trips.
Remember my “How high?” rule. Well this time it was, “Sure dear.”
Five months. No big deal. It’ll fly by. She can have some fun and then I’ll get my safety and security back.
It’s been eight years.
She was so happy, I couldn’t put her back in a cage (house). And there were parts of it that I really liked (especially the saving money part). But I didn’t know how to thrive.
There was always this invisible force keeping me scared. Of what? I wasn’t really sure, I just knew that I was always on high alert. I rarely even took off my tennis shoes because I always felt like I needed to be prepared for some attack.
On top of that, all the sports she wanted to do were taking me way outside my comfort zone. Somedays I just wanted to crawl out of my skin.
And other days, the days when we would go on easy hikes or play football in the campground, and sit by the campfire telling stories and laughing while my daughter played the guitar, I’d remind myself how much I loved our new lifestyle and that if I just persist a little longer, I’d figure it out and get this fear monkey off my back.
I Might Be There
I’m not going to pretend that I have everything figured out yet. But something big has changed in me this past year.
Over the past few years of travel, she’d take a lot of trips without me. I was angry about it at first but she encouraged me to just learn to love myself first. To take care of my own needs. To hear my thoughts and understand my emotions. She said I should become mindful and then we’d be able to live a live of fulfillment together.
I was skeptical (and often angry about it) but damn, this mindfulness thing worked.
I’m lighter. Not necessarily in my physical density, but energetically, I feel this this thing that my wife’s been asking me to feel called JOY!
I am my own boat. I have my own sense of being. My own needs, goals and desires outside of just jumping however high she asks me to.
As an enneagram 2, it was hard to see myself as separate from who I was serving. I thought that as long as I helping others, that was enough.
Now, I do things on my own and with her. When we do things together we feel like 2 independent ships sailing side by side to the same island.
I’ve learned to love adventure and that safety & security comes from me connecting to my own authenticity.
Long story short, travel and detaching from the rat race, allowed me to see that my programming, which was really just my defense against my childhood wounds, was blocking the flow of energy and making me sick and grumpy. But not anymore.
I know who I am outside of being a dad, a father, and a trainer. I’m kinda nerdy. I love to dance. I like that I skip showers some days and not care what others think. You don’t have to travel, live in an RV, but in order to evolve, to experience more, to be authentic, you have to get rid of the old program. You have to want to be something more than just your labels!
Once upon a time…
I felt insecure, uncertain, and lost. But then, I met my soul mate and never wanted to leave his side. Even though we were young and naive, we listened to our heart, trusted our gut, and took the jump.
We maxed out credit cards, built a business, had kids, and grew a community. And then, I got scared.
I was scared of not making enough of the right kind of memories with my kids. I was worried my kids would grow up and I’d feel regret.
So I decided I wanted to live each day to the fullest. I wanted to be the fullest expression of myself and I wanted to help my kids too be the fullest expression of themselves.
Despite the naysayers, the social programming, the fear of being an outsider, & the fact that my husband struggled to keep up with me, I’ve looked at every fork in the road as an opportunity to learn, to explore, and to discover all I can about myself.
I just believe live is short and I am capable, so I chase my f**k yeah every day.
I hope to help you do the same.
I Never Meant To Be Different
At least at first.
I studied hard, got good grades, played sports, got a college scholarship, and then my life started taking a detour. It wasn’t planned out, however looking back I realize it was a very conscious decision based on intuition.
But let’s face it, I was only nineteen and really just wanted to have fun. At the time fun meant spending as much time as I could with my boyfriend at the time, Victor.
I was teaching gymnastics for the city recreation department, making minimum wage, and had a decent following. Being young and in love, I wanted to spend all my time with Victor (and still do), so I suggested we open our own gymnastics facility in Coronado.
Why not? I thought. We maxed out our credit cards (okay it was only Victor’s credit cards), bought gymnastics equipment, and went for it.
At the time, Victor was finishing his Bachelors in Kinesiology and working as a Personal Trainer at a commercial gym. Spinning was just coming on the scene at the time and being my ambitious self I suggested we buy 10 bikes and teach spinning classes to add a fitness element to our facility. Now keep in mind, I had never even taken a spinning class and here I am buying $8000 worth of bikes assuming I will just figure it out (which we did).
The point here is that this was the first step in creating this unconventional life.
We aren’t married, we are only 20 and 22 years old, and we now have $20,000 in debt. But I also had passion, vision, and the confidence to take a risk.
Three Years Later
Now we are high on life with our first born, Daniel.
I loved being able to have a business where I could take my kid to work with me. Another year and a half and we are blessed with a daughter, Gabriela. Three more years, Isabelle. At this point I’m bordering on conventionalism. We run a business, own a 3000 square foot home with a pool, and take vacations once a year to Hawaii. We became the “Joneses”.
But then to keep it different, I start homeschooling and four years go by and now I have another baby. With a baby, a toddler and two kids to teach at home, going to work to teach gymnastics with four kids is seeming quite impossible, so my loving husband is doing all the work and putting in twelve hour days.
Just when I think I can’t handle any more, I’m blessed with one more beautiful girl, Tatiana.
Somewhere between club soccer, competitive gymnastics, math lessons, potty training, breastfeeding, and commuting up to forty minutes one way to work I start wondering why.
Why do I feel like a chicken with my head cut off? Why am I so tired? Why don’t I get to do things I like to do? Why do I not go for it anymore? Why did I settle?
I distinctly remember one Sunday, after only getting a few hours of sleep because Tatiana was waking up practically every hour to breast feed, going for a run with Victor. He was really slow and tired and I remember looking at him saying, “What is going on? I sleep half the hours you do and you can’t keep up with me on a run?” (I could’ve been more sensitive.)
We didn’t realize at the time that he was in the middle of a major case of adrenal exhaustion that would take two years to fully recover from.
It took a few years to gain the confidence to do something about it, but eventually we started making changes. We started eliminating the non essentials of our life. We scaled back on things that didn’t bring value to our lives and started to take notice of what did add value and bring happiness to our lives.
“Happiness is the joy we feel striving after our potential.”-Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage
My role here in coaching is to help you do the same. To uncover your potential and help you strive towards it.
And if you aren’t familiar with what our story looked like after we gained the confidence, eliminated the non essentials, scaled back on the things that didn’t bring value to our lives, and started noticing what did add value and happiness to our lives, then click over to our About Us page on Nomads With A Purpose.
You deserve to live your best life ever so take that bold, brave step today!
There are 4 distinct ways we can serve you. The first is to get your head above water through breathwork & meditation. The second is to heal, use, and nurture your physical body. The third is to improve your relationship with self and others. We can do this 1:1 or do it in a group.
Inner Grounding & Manifestation
This is a great option for people who know they need to spend more time meditating and practicing mindfulness, but aren’t making time for it on their own.
We will talk and get to the root of your programming, but unlike just talk therapy, we will take you through energy clearings, breathwork, and visualizations to help you feel grounded and work through your past wounds so you can heal.
Strength, Fitness, & Injury Rehab
In between getting married, changing diapers, and being dragged all over the world by my wife, I (Victor) have helped hundreds of people of all ages build a body that is strong and resilient.
I can fix any injury and can help you create a strong body that will help you stay active in your sports & hobbies (or be able to pick them up again), and make sure you stay injury free so you can enjoy your life to the fullest.
Reignite The Passion
Don’t let the flame in your relationship die out over time. Our signature 5 step couples coaching program that is guaranteed to get that spark back in your marriage. We help couples achieve a high conscious relationship built on empowerment not neediness.
Learn how to connect on a deeper level with your spouse so you can live beyond the bullsh*t of bills, schedules, and have-tos and create a life that’s exciting.
Be The Hero Academy
Empowering You To Be a Creator
Be The Hero Academy is where we, alongside our daughters, help you understand how your past is limiting you and teach you how to rewire your brain for joy, happiness, & abundance.
Becoming the Hero of your own story allows you to live a healthy, happy, and most importantly, empowered life.
We provide inspiration, tips, resources, and mini-courses to help you:
- Correctly identify & understand your enneagram
- Learn astrology to find your path & heal your shadows
- Use numerology to help you live your purpose
- Do breathwork & meditation to feel into your sense of self & connect with the quantum field
- Stay motivated and create a positive mindset